I just impulsively restarted ejabberd on xochat.org. We were up to 70% memory consumption, and in particular I know I've only been seeing a few of the people on my neighborhood view who are actually logged in (based on the stats on the server's web interface). Restarting makes everyone go away, and it seems that you have to restart Sugar (ctrl-alt-erase) to re-load (and re-add yourself) so people are slowly coming back.
Ivan Krstić has offered me space on a vastly more capable server than I've got now, so we should be moving xochat.org some time this month. I'll keep you posted once we work out the details.